im….real? my existence has… impacts? i touch things and they move, i breath in and out and the air buzzes around me? the sun rests on my skin…. grass is crushed under my toes… people see me and have an idea of who i am… my name is on papers….? im sorry this is… this is too much….
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there’s this really horrible moment when you realise your mood has switched.
you’ve been fine all day, verging on happy, you’ve laughed, you’ve had conversation, you’ve been getting shit done.
and then for no reason at all, things just become more difficult.
suddenly, you’re ability to work/focus plummets
you get annoyed at minor things that usually wouldn’t take a second thought
you feel cold then hot then cold then hot hot hot then freezing
your body stops responding the way you want it to
fight or flight kicks in and all you wanna do is punch a wall and walk out the door
and then before you know it, you’re sad but not really sad coz, you see, you’ve got no reason to be.
and you can feel the heat in your face and the tears begging to come
But CC, you were fine two minutes ago, what happened?
and i couldn’t tell you
coz i can’t rationalise the fact that two minutes ago i had an overall sense of hope and happiness and positivity.
and now
two minutes later
i want to walk away, stop talking to people, crawl into bed and weep.
no amount of knowledge around mood swings and mental illness makes it any easier to accept.
you’re gonna feel like shit now
that’s just the way it goes.
maybe it will only last two minutes….
Person: *says something vaguely nice to me*
Me: I’m in love with you.
Person: *says something in a neutral/indifferent tone to me*
Me: Geez…if you hate me so much why don’t you just tell me???
Reblog for a miracle to happen tonight
To anyone who says the post is a LIE, no. It’s an expiriment to see if it works. Or how it does when it does.
someone: *sends kinda short replies*
me: that’s it. the friendship is over. they hate me. we can never speak again. the end is here
[texts back three years later] haha not much what about you
